Families of alcoholics, too, are caught in a web of addiction. For each alcoholic, four or five other people-mostly family members-are affected. As the saying goes in alcohol treatment circles, the alcoholic is addicted to alcohol, the nondrinking spouse is addicted to the alcoholic, and the children are left to fend for themselves.

As the drinking worsens, the alcoholic family may gradually drop out of society. Fearful of being embarrassed, the children and the couple "stop inviting friends over," says [Tarpley Richards Long], who serves on the board of the National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACOA). "The non-alcoholic spouse becomes totally cut off from family and friends"-a pattern of behavior that inadvertently establishes the perfect environment for the alcoholic to continue drinking. "The family does not do this in a conscious way," Long says. "The family's motivation is to conceal their embarrassment, their shame, their humiliation and their anger {about the alcoholic}. It's to keep those kinds of feelings at bay."

In a two-year, intensive study of eight women who were alcoholics and their husbands and children, the Prevention Center's [Genevieve Ames] found that families went through distinct stages in dealing with the alcoholic. "At first, the family members were busy hiding bottles," Ames says. "Then they tried to talk her out of drinking. Then they punished her by treating her like a child." The final stage was marked by ignoring the alcoholic mother.