Men such as Pete Wesselink, 48, of Orange attend sessions to tell the group what they and their wives went through. Susan Wesselink, 47, had a bilateral mastectomy, rigorous chemotherapy and reconstructive surgery in 1990.

It was extremely difficult for Marie Lussenden, 58, of Anaheim. She had a breast removed in 1991 and resisted reconstructive surgery because she was "so petrified of dying" that she couldn't even think about it. In chemotherapy, she lost every strand of her body hair, including eyelashes.

The Barlows couldn't agree more. [Lynn Barlow]'s illness tested their marriage, they said, but it also made them see the depth of their commitment. Lynn, 48, who had her other breast removed in 1987 as a precaution and then underwent reconstructive surgery for both breasts, finally realized that [Rich Barlow] meant it when he said he loved her for the heart inside her chest, not for what was in front of it.