I hoisted my Scotch in salute. "Here's to swimmin' with bowlegged women." It's an old Marine Corps toast. I figured it covered both relaxation and exercise.

"At the top of the spine," a lady chiropractor once lectured me in an effort to help me understand pain, "there are seven cervical vertebrae, below that 12 thoracic vertebrae. The lower back has five vertebrae . . ."

"Try putting you in traction then." He spoke in elliptical phrases, which somehow made his messages more terrifying. I could see myself suspended in midair by a sandbag counterbalance, like a pig in a meat locker.