The guaranteed way to get on the most e-mailed list is to get picked up as a Drudge Report headline. A typical No. 1 L.A. Times story gets 40,000 votes, but a Drudge plug guarantees you a minimum of 50,000. Drudge, [Richard Rushfield] tells me, is really into freak weather occurrences, child rape and cable TV ratings. I briefly considered "Weather Channel Trounces American Idol with Docudrama About Beverly Hills Tornado That Attacked Dakota Fanning," but I think that's actually the plot of an upcoming indie movie.

Not only were all 10 of the all-time most e-mailed articles listed on Drudge, but they were difficult to replicate because they were classic, Homeric narratives, such as the rare Ferrari that was totaled on Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu by a bankrupt Swedish creator of car-race video games; the woman who murdered her Marine husband to get insurance money for breast implants; and Marilyn Monroe's psychologist saying she had an affair with Joan Crawford. I'm not about to waste an idea like that one on a column. Not when there are more Will Ferrell movies to be made.