Thomas E. Dewey had a mustache, which was one of the reasons he did not get elected president. There were several world leaders with mustaches in 1944, including Emperor Hirohito, Prime Minister Tojo, Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin. This is not what you would call good company. You would think this would be enough to shave the mustache right off a candidate for president of the United States, but you would be wrong.

So I put on the Dewey button, which is still in my possession, resting next to the pennies in the dresser drawer, and went to school and found out that central California was Roosevelt country, this information being conveyed to me by a boy named Charles, who told me I could take off my Dewey button or be punched in the nose. I took it off, and then he punched me in the nose.

Perhaps, in the next two years, we can find a candidate with some facial hair (nose hair doesn't count) to lead one of the national tickets. None of the current candidates will be able to grow any, not from any endocrine deficiency, but from the basic rule of politics that caused Thomas E. Dewey to cling to his mustache: no candidate is allowed to change his appearance between first rumor and final campaign. We will put up with almost any chicanery from a modern candidate, as long as he remains a bald-faced liar and doesn't try to hide behind a mustache.